Yesterday Superdad and I took Spidey and Aquaman to Chuck E. Cheeses. Superdad had taken the afternoon off because, well, he missed us. We splurged and bought wayyyyy too many tokens. Our little superheroes gleefully used those token on all sorts of games and rides. They pretended to eat pizza. Their giggles and smiles filled the air as we threw balls, raced cars, and generally overdosed on the bleeping blinking whizzing whirring fun.
After we'd exhausted our token supply, I used my super shopping powers on them. YES, a MALL across the street! Those who know me well know that I have specific superpowers when it comes to shopping:
The power to locate the nearest mall is the first of odd powers. My aunt had the same power in regards to candy stores, so it must be genetic. I've been known to pull off a random exit in Wisconsin, only to see a mall looming ahead. Put me anywhere, my superpower directs me to the bliss of indoor shopping! We call it my mall homing device.
Once the retail extravaganza is located, my second superpower kicks in. Parking Karma makes it so that, if all in the vehicle believe, I find an absurdly close parking space. It does not matter how many competitors for spots are circling or already placed, an open spot, close to the entrance of my desire, miraculously opens at just the right time. Superdad did not believe for a long time. However, he's seen it happen too often now, and all the doubt has been erased.
Inside, I have an uncanny sense of Mall directional abilities. No matter how large the mall, no matter if I've never been there before, I know where each store is located. It must be related to the mall homing device, but I'm never quite sure how.
Lastly, I have the power to find the deal. I've scored incredible deals in my life! I'm sure it's inherited from my father, whose ability to locate a deal is beyond comparison. I have the light version, his is full strength. So, a $1,500 leather jacket? Oh, it just so happens to be on sale for $120!
Being Supermom has deprived the world of my amazing abilities. I can no longer shop for hours at a time. All day excursions are a thing of the past. No browsing through the merchandise sipping a coffee for me! Now it's shopping like a man: know what you want, get in, find it, and get out. Sigh. It's the price I pay to enjoy my superheroes.
However, yesterday I inflicted the superheroes (including a very reluctant Superdad) with my amazing abilities. Remember, there was a MALL across the street from Chuck E Cheese's. It pulled me with a magnetic force not known to my men. They had no chance. (I found shoes at 75% off, by the way).
Inside the mall we wandered a bit. The superheroes were restless after their electronic infused hours, so we ducked inside the Disney store. Oh heavens, there, sitting quietly on a shelf, was a stack of Perry the Platypus. At least a dozen of them. Aquaman , in particular, has an insane love of poor Perry. I called him over. I called a second time. The child finally wandered to me, asking "What do you WANT, Mom?" (quite obviously disturbed at my interruption of his inspection of some trinket). I handed him a Perry. As I handed the stuffed creature to him, I squeezed the middle.
BLLLLLLLLLLLLAAATTTFFTT.
Yup, a brilliant fart sound emerged. In case you've never met a I'll-be-six-in-3-days boy, they LOVE fart sounds. Complete adoration. The noise summoned Spidey, who, at 7 1/2, has perfected the adoration of rude sounds. Even Superdad wandered over (I guess you don't get over it at 36, either). There my two boys squeezed Perry the Platypus at each other with giggles of glee. Poor Superdad squeezed and squeezed, but no sound came out. He declared the Perry he was holding defective. I took it and farted in his face.
I walked a bit away, watching my boys giggle up a storm. And I could SEE another child with them. I could see a three way rude sounds festival amongst my sons with Superdad, slightly confused, overseeing. Oh the sweet sounds of giggling. Oh the adorable snort that escapes Aquaman when he giggles a bit too much. The mischievous glint in Spidey's eyes as he realizes yes, this is a mom-approved activity. Such a bitter sweet moment for me, the shadow of a third child cast on the joy of my two, very real, very here, children. I pray that soon it's not a shadow, it's a reality. I pray that my boys have a younger brother to giggle with, to teach to read, to protect, to enjoy!
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